15 Rules for Mom's with Little Boys

When I was a little girl, I imagined having little girls of my own to dress up and play barbie dolls with.  There were NO boys in my family, other than my dad and grandpa's.  That was it. It never even crossed my mind that I would have boys.  Enter my husband in my life, who had NO girls in his family. Needless to say his genes have overpowered mine and I now have excepted the fact that I am a little boy making machine.  I was blessed with my little boy Cash in December of 2009.  We are now expecting another child at the end of January.  I have to say I was hoping for a girl, but I am happy to say we are having another boy.  It was when I found out I was having a boy that I came to the recollection that I wanted a BABY girl, not a TEENAGE girl.  God help my mother who had to raise 3 girls.

Now my little boy is going to be 3 years old soon, and I have another little guy on the way. I have come across several articles online and on Pinterest about what to teach little boys, how to raise little boys and so on and so on.  I had no experience with little boys before I became a mother, so it's helpful to read ideas from other mothers who have been there.  But I have to say, all parents just learn as they go.  Nobody really knows what they are doing when they become a parent.  Sometimes I do things and I pat myself on the back, other times I want to cry and ask myself, why did I handle that situation that way?  So I have compiled a list of guidelines and rules for having little boys, 3 and under because that's really all the experience I have, which isn't much.  Please feel free to add your own guidelines and suggestions, as mom's need all the help they can get!

1. Encourage him to dance.

My husband tells me all the time that his mother told him no girl will like him if he can't dance. Though that might have some truth to it, dancing is not something that comes easily to most men.  But I think that sometimes boys and men miss out on how much fun it can be to let loose and bust a move because it's not something that boys grow up doing usually.  Take time to turn off the TV, stop cleaning the kitchen, and turn on some of your favorite tunes for your little boy, and just shake the sillies out.  I like to turn on music that I like so I can share my passion for music as well as dancing.  It doesn't have to be the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme, what about some Beatles, or even Foo Fighters! Anything that gets them on their feet and moving is great, and they will remember that special silly time with you.

2.  Teach him to do his laundry and clean up after himself.
I cannot thank my mother in law enough for making my husband the man he is today.  I have it really easy.  He can and likes to cook, he does the laundry without me asking for help, and he has a bit of OCD so he starts cleaning the house even before I want to. I am trying to teach my 3 year old to clean up his toys before he gets another toy out.  This is just the start but I will teach him to be self sufficient, for my sake and for the sake of his future wife. Men need to learn to do things on their own and not be dependent on a woman, the same that women should not be dependent on their men.

3. Let him do things on his own.

I am struggling a bit with this one right now.  My son is at the age where he wants to be more independent and do things without the help of mom or dad. I have to stop myself from telling him "No" sometimes, like when it comes to him brushing his teeth (your not actually cleaning your teeth) or putting on his own coat (your arm doesn't go there.)  Try to step back and let them try things themselves, even if it means you get out the door 30 seconds later than you wanted to. Let them try to do it themselves, and then correct them and show them the right way or help them.  Patience is key. Leaving the house 30 seconds later than expected isn't going to matter.  But showing your boy that you care about his feelings and wants is going to matter in the long run.

4.  Let him be loud and messy.

Boys will be boys.  That's what I have learned.  And the fact that I want to dress him cute and like a little man does not change the fact that he is going to rub food on his shirt, pick his nose, or splash in a mud filled puddle. Clothes can be cleaned, baths will be had.  Sometimes we need to lay back and let them explore the world around them.  Mud exists for boys to play in it.  He's not going to kill anyone if he yells in excitement every now and then.  You might get some annoyed looks from old grumpy people, but remember it has been years since they have had kids.  Children sometimes do not know how else to express their excitement other than screaming or yelling, or jumping up and down. There is a time and place for this behavior of course, but try to teach them the difference, or other ways of showing excitement when being loud is not acceptable.  Let them be loud and excited if the environment allows for it.

5. READ TO HIM.

My son knew his entire alphabet and could count to 20 by the time he was 2 years old.  And guess what, it wasn't hard for him to learn it.  We didn't sit him down at the kitchen table with flash cards, or do the "My Child Can Read" learning series. I played with foam alphabet letters during his bath time.  We read to him multiple times per day.  Reading kids books does not take hours at a time, most children's books can be read in less than 5 minutes.  But parents need to learn to take the time to sit down with them and read, the dishes can wait another 20 minutes. 

6.  Talk to him like he's a person.
 I've never been one for baby talk.  Sure when he was a little baby, I would come up with ridiculous words, and say to myself "what does that even mean, what I said just now?"  But as soon as he could understand what we were saying, we spoke to him like a person, not a little kid. It wasn't something we decided to do one day, it just came naturally.  Cash was around mostly adults from a young age.  Children can understand sarcasm, or when you are talking down to them.  They aren't dumb.  My son's vocabulary is extensive, there are words he uses in the correct context and I find myself wondering "where did he pick that up and know how to use it correctly?"  Parents just need to talk to their kids regularly and it will all come very naturally.

7.  Ask him about his day.
When you come home from work, isn't that what you and your spouse talk about?  We sit around the dinner table as a family every night.  My husband and I talk about our day, and we ask our 3 year old what he did that day.  You will be delighted to know what they did, and they will be delighted to tell you about it.  Just another small step to show you care.        

8.  Don't force feed him.

This is one that I struggle with the most out of anything right now.  My 3 year old refuses to eat.  Sometimes I wonder how he can function on 3 pieces of pepperoni and 2 crackers.  My doctor told me to cook everything I feed him in butter so that he gains some weight.  I tried that.  I tried disguising food. I tried forcing his mouth open and cramming food into it.  I tried compromise, negotiations, blackmail, you name it.  I still struggle with it, and it makes dinner time not only stressful on me but on my son as well.  I don't want to make dinner time or eating a negative experience for him.  Sometimes I have to sit back and relax. He will eat when he's hungry.  Hopefully we can teach him that dinner time means dinner time when he is a little older.

9.  Teach him to be gentle.

Many boys grow up rough and tough.  And that's just fine, that's what make men so great. They are there when we need a car fixed or a jar opened.  But as a mother, we need to help our son's understand being soft and gentle too.  Our sons love us from birth because we are the first things they feel, and we as women are normally soft and warm to their touch. Help them to understand this concept throughout life. Be kind and gentle to animals, flowers, and other delicate things.  Teach them that killing a bug for no reason or smashing a flower is not nice, and there is no reason for it.  Other than if it's a spider and is threatening your life, of course.

10.  Both parents teach him to do things.

       

Like doing laundry and fixing a car, there are things that every boy needs to do. My son is very young still, so my husband cannot yet teach him how to change the oil in his car.  But that day will come.  In the meantime, do little things together. He likes to help vacuum, dust, and "fold" the laundry.   I include my son when I cook and bake.  He loves to put things into the pot, stir the batter, and cut out cookies.  He loves to help my husband put furniture together with his play tools.  They will feel so special when they are included in adult activities.

Cash recently helped my husband put together my Ikea TV stand.  My son also learned patience from this experience. haha

11.  Kiss him and let him kiss you.

There is nothing sweeter than baby kisses.  And any mother of boys will tell you that they can be the sweetest most caring creatures on the planet.  Teach him that it's okay to show affection from a young age, so they won't be embarrassed by a mothers kiss when they are older.  And maybe they will care a little less about what other people think  when they grow up.

12.  Give him compliments.

 I tell my little boy how cute and pretty he is all the time.  My husband tells me to lay off the pretty, but it's okay while he's little.  I tell him that I like his shirt, or his shoes, or that he looks handsome.  I do this without thinking about it.  Then one day I was getting ready for work, and my boy told me that my shoes were "so cute."  Another day I decided to wear a dress and he told me I "looked like a princess."  When a compliment comes from a child completely unwarranted, it will bring a tear to your eye.  And they are learning this from you, whether you notice it or not.

13.  Do things that HE likes to do.

I have come to terms with the fact that I won't be brushing Barbie's hair and picking out her cute clothes for the rest of my life, unless my son has a daughter one day.  So I try to be interested and find fun things to do that I know my little boy will like.  Whether it be making a fort in the living room, playing with his matchbox cars (crashing of course) or making a block tower just to tear it down, I know these destructive things are what my son likes to do, and I want to show him that I understand and take part in his interests.  Plus, reading books by flashlight in a fort is AWESOME!

14.  Go on Adventures.
It doesn't have to be much.  Especially while they are so young.  You can go to the dollar store and let them pick out an item on their own.  You can go to a new park they have never been too.  You can take them to pick out their own donut or ice cream cone.  You can go for a walk around the block.  You can let them paint or do a new craft.  There are tons of crafty ideas on Pinterest and fun places for them right in your neighborhood.  Remember that while they are young, a walk to the mailbox and letting them get the mail is an adventure, as long as it's something different and not in their normal routine.

15.  Be their friend, their parent and BIGGEST supporter.

It's good to be friendly with your kids, but they need to know your an authority figure too.  And if you do it right, they will love and respect you for it.  They might hate you sometimes, but hopefully it will pay off.  Be their cheerleader when they need it, and be their support when they fail.  But don't be afraid to let them fail either.  It's an important part of becoming an adult.  They need to know that if they fall and scrape their knee, or bump their head, their mommies kisses are going to make it feel better. 

These are some things that I have learned so far, and some things that I need to do in the future.  I hope that I'm on the right to track to being a good parent, but hey like I said before, we all learn as we go, kids AND parents!